Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
