Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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