Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
