I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
