ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
