she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
