you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
