everyone is single if you try hard enough
only if we run a train.
done.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
