bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
