Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
