On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
