I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
