Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
