I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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