I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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