My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
