apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
