I just pynch a tree in the face
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
