Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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