His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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