i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
