Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
