C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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