One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
