Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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