he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
