My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Damn victory sex feels great
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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