Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
