Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
