please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
