so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
