woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
