i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
