So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
