There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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