She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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