you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
