I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
