His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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