Cold hands, warm shart.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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