Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
