what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
