I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
