Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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