I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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