brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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