How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
