Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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