i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
