I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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