Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
