"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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