Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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