hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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