I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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