I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
