Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
