yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
