He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
