Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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