I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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