I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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