TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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