i permit you to call me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
