If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
