yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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