Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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