Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
