Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't notice because vodka
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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