Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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