I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
