currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
