Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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