he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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