who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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