the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
