I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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