well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
