my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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