youre lurking in front of me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
