just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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