3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
