so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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