how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
